The Even Weaker Weakest England Squad Since 1992 Is Now Weaker Still

A double fractured jaw has ruled out GARY CAHILL. He's to be replaced by KELLY DALGLISH or somesuch Liverpool person.

Let's send a job load of cotton wool out to our Krakow training camp and wrap up the entire squad in it until Monday. Any more pull-outs and Viv Anderson will have to dust down his boots.


Goalkeepers - Joe Hart, Robert Green, John Ruddy, Jack Butland.

Defenders - Leighton Baines, Gary Cahill, Martin Kelly, Ashley Cole, Phil Jagielka, Glen Johnson, Phil Jones, Joleon Lescott, John Terry.

Midfielders - Gareth Barry, Stewart Downing, Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, Jordan Henderson, James Milner, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Scott Parker, Theo Walcott, Ashley Young.

Strikers - Andy Carroll, Jermain Defoe, Wayne Rooney, Danny Welbeck.