The Even Weaker Weakest England Squad Since 1992 Is Now Weaker Still

A double fractured jaw has ruled out GARY CAHILL. He's to be replaced by KELLY DALGLISH or somesuch Liverpool person.

Let's send a job load of cotton wool out to our Krakow training camp and wrap up the entire squad in it until Monday. Any more pull-outs and Viv Anderson will have to dust down his boots.


Goalkeepers - Joe Hart, Robert Green, John Ruddy, Jack Butland.

Defenders - Leighton Baines, Gary Cahill, Martin Kelly, Ashley Cole, Phil Jagielka, Glen Johnson, Phil Jones, Joleon Lescott, John Terry.

Midfielders - Gareth Barry, Stewart Downing, Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, Jordan Henderson, James Milner, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Scott Parker, Theo Walcott, Ashley Young.

Strikers - Andy Carroll, Jermain Defoe, Wayne Rooney, Danny Welbeck.

Norway 0-1 England; England 1-0 Belgium; what the friendlies have taught us.

First up, a win is a win, is a win. Unless it's a win. Or it's two wins like we've just had in the last week

As ever, WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE ONE OF THE MOST ENTERTAINING TEAMS TO WATCH, if these performances are anything to go by. More like old school Italy holding on to a 1-0, than a Spain or Germany taking teams to the cleaners.

WE CAN SCORE WITHOUT ROONEY. Welbeck's opened his account. Young's banged in a few recently, and I expect Gerrard, Terry and Defoe to make telling contributions, given the chance.

WE HAVE A TOP KEEPER. That wasn't the case in the last World Cup, when James and Green were vying for a top spot that probably should have gone to the man who has it now.

OUR DEFENCE IS STOLID. Ashley Cole never lets you down, Terry and Cahill should start in the middle, and Johnson on the right, giving an all-Chelsea (at some point in their career) look to the defence.

WE LACK FLAIR IN MIDFIELD. The major stumbling block. Not since Gascoigne have we had a player who can take others on. Not since Beckham have we had an awesome set-piece threat. Parker and Gerrard are stolid, but is either going to frighten a defence with the ball at their feet. I mean, really frighten?

WE WILL PROBABLY DO BETTER THAN I PREDICT. I'm being super-cynical about our chances. We're not a bad team, just an average team. But just look at what Greece achieved in 2004. If Roy can get them playing, make us hard to break down, sneak us some One-Nils, we could emulate that unexpected success of eight years ago. COULD.

Casualty

Is on BBC1 this Saturday night, as it has been on every bloody Saturday night since, I don't know, but hold on a minute, this isn't the place for television promotions.

This post is meant to talk about the injury strife England have suffered over the last few days.
It started with a kiss, no it didn't, it was a ruddy broken finger for er... the Norwich keeper. The aptly initialed Gareth Barry went down next with a groinal, and today Lampard's Thigh ended his tournament before it began.

On the upside it means no pundits will have to debate the 'Can Lampard and Gerrard play in the same England team' issue ad nauseum. On the downside, well, we haven't really got anyone decent to replace Lamps.

Weakest England Squad Since 1992

It really is depressing. Never can expectations have been so low going into a tournament. This might work in the team's favour, of course, as there'll be no press pressure to win the thing, hopefully. Woy's made his picks and it's fair to say that he hasn't had a bumper cwop (sic) to choose from (enough of that Roy baiting now, he's a fellow Croydon boy, after all).
 But from the relative discomfort of my armchair, I have to say I would have taken five strikers, given Rooney will miss two of our three tournament games (yes, I predict we won't make it through the group stage).
Crouchio would have been in my squad. He's ahead of Defoe and Carroll by my reckoning. Here's the squad, none of which would make the Spain squad, save Rooney perhaps.
Goalkeepers - Joe Hart, Robert Green, John Ruddy.
Defenders - Leighton Baines, Gary Cahill, Ashley Cole, Glen Johnson, Phil Jones, Joleon Lescott, John Terry.
Midfielders - Gareth Barry, Stewart Downing, Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, James Milner, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Scott Parker, Theo Walcott, Ashley Young.
Strikers - Andy Carroll, Jermain Defoe, Wayne Rooney, Danny Welbeck.

The paucity of world class talent in this line up has to be addressed by FA headquarters, but won't be, not while the multicultural Premier League is raking in so much cash.