They Finished 3rd: GERMANY

My tip to win it didn't.
They came up short. They fell at the penultimate hurdle. They failed to fulfill their potential.
Who didn't want to see them pitted against the Spanish in the final?
Sadly, in tournament football, it doesn't matter how well you play in the early stages, one bad performance and you're going home. And the Germans are going home.
The swagger wasn't there. It looked like they'd planned to snuff out the few Italian threats rather than play to their own strengths.
And so their wait goes on. '96 ain't as long ago as '66, but given the number of near misses they've had in the last few tournaments, some might be starting to think that it might not happen again in their lifetime.

SEMI-FINAL: Germany 1-2 Italy

In stark contrast to the other semi-final, this clash made for great telli.

The star, of course, was Super Mario Balotelli, with a brace of well taken goals that rocked the Germans and shook the football world. The final that most neutrals wanted to see, will now not be seen.

And you have to say the Italians deserved it. Germany looked more like England, lacklustre, out of sorts, uncomfortable on the pitch. Pirlo was, as every English-speaking commentator seems to want to describe him, peerless, a strong candidate for player of the tournament, if there is such an award.

Let's just hope more Italian fans turn up for the final and don't leave the tournament's finale with an embarrassment of empty seats.

They Finished 4th: PORTUGAL

Should he, shouldn't he? Did he have a choice? Was he going for glory? We may never know how Ronaldo came to be pencilled in as Portugal's fifth penalty taker in the shoot out that knocked them out.

And although he never got to take a penalty and despite starting the tournament innocuously, Ronaldo came close to making Portugal the biggest one-man team since that team which actually had only one man in it (some Sunday League outfit, I suspect).

They exceeded my expectations by emerging from the Group of Death alive and kicking footballs. But win it? Not likely, given their lack of a penetrating striker. But hey, they're get into the habit of reaching semi-finals, and if they wrap Ronaldo in cotton wool, and bring through another two or three like him, they could go further next time.

SEMI-FINAL: Spain 0-0 Portugal. Spain win 4-2 on penalties.

Like a Rolex made of stone, that was a hard watch.

The game had little to recommend itself, as is the wont of ninety per cent of footballing nil-nils.

The shoot out was, as one hundred per cent of shoot outs are, compelling viewing, another cheeky chippie this time from Ramos the stand out spot kick.

And so Spain reach their third major tournament final on the sp(a)in, and if it's Germany we could be in for a cracker, or a crapper, depending on how good the game is, obviously. Waffling now, tired. Night.

They Finished 7th: GREECE

If ever a nation needed its football team to give it a lift, Greece is that nation, and Greece FC is that team.

Getting to the quarter final might seem a bit of a failure to the team that won it in 2004, but this is a team that consistently over-performs, punches above its weight, confounds the critics.

Of which there are many, but you have to play to your strengths and reduce the impact of your weaknesses and that's what the Greeks do. It may not be pretty to watch, but if you're Greek, you won't give a shit about that.

QUARTER FINAL: Germany 4-2 Greece

Billed as the EuroZone Bailout Bowl by no one except me, the Germans march on to the semi-final, despite resting several key players.

Greece were far more watchable than they have been in the past, but if they'd won this, the German chancellor who was in attendance may well have withdrawn bailout funding.

As it was, Europe wasn't thrown into any more turmoil than it's already in, and my tip to win this thing make the semi-finals where either England or Italy will await.

QUARTER-FINAL: Portugal 1-0 Czech Rep

This game had very little going for it, and was settled by a bouncing header from the best player on the pitch, the ubiquitous Ronaldo, whom people are beginning to refer to as CR7, which sounds more like a postcode to me.

For me, the Russians would have give the Portuguese a better game and a tougher test. The Czech's never really threatened and looked ready to settle for penalties from about the 50th minute.

Take Ronaldo out of Portugal's team, and they'll be pretty average too, and with Spain or France awaiting in the semi-final it's hard to make a case for them progressing.

One of the dullest games of the tournament, but if you're Portuguese that won't bother you in the slightest. You're through to another semi-final, and you have CR7 in your T E A M.

England Score Some Crackers

This blog has been a bit down on England's chances ever since it emerged from Armchair World Cup 2010's womb.

Sweden aside, I don't think we've played 'all that' to use street terminology. But we're undefeated, we've won the group and we've scored a couple of stunners, courtesy of Walcott and Welbeck. But then we do have a bit of history when it comes to scoring stunners in big tournaments:

2006 WORLD CUP: Joe Cole's audacious lob vs SWEDEN.
1998 WORLD CUP: Michael Owen's amazing mazy run vs ARGENTINA.
1996 EUROS: Paul Gascoigne's chip 'n' volley against SCOTLAND
1990 WORLD CUP: David Platt's incredible scoop in the last minute against BELGIUM.

That's just a quartet off the top of my head. There may well be more. They are just not on top of my head right now. I was thinking of adding:

2012 EUROS: Wayne Rooney's bullet header from a yard out vs UKRAINE.

But that would be taking the piss.

Euro 2012 Quarter Finals. Predicted vs Actual

Here's how I thought the Last 8 would look.

RUSSIA v HOLLAND
GERMANY v POLAND
CROATIA v FRANCE
UKRAINE v SPAIN

Here's how I got on.


RUSSIA v HOLLAND
GERMANY v POLAND
CROATIA v FRANCE
UKRAINE v SPAIN
Even an alien who had never seen a football in his life could have predicted more accurately than that. Embarrassing isn't the word. Humiliating probably is.


For the benefit of that alien, here's the actual quarter-final line up.
CZECH REP v PORTUGAL
GERMANY v GREECE
SPAIN v FRANCE
ENGLAND v ITALY
It really is pointless me predicting who'll make it through from that lot. But that probably won't stop me.

They Finished 9th: UKRAINE

Another of my quarter finalists fall by their own wayside.

But Ukraine may have good reason to complaine.

England know what it's like to be on the receiving end of official incompetence, but for once it was our opponents who were the victims. In days gone by, the English way would have been to stop the game, and inform the referee of the oversight, or bally well score an own goal to even things up in the right and proper manner.

Alack, that's not what sport's about these days And the co-hosts, shed of their co-stars Shevchenko and Voronin, bowed out of their own gig before anyone had the chance to shout 'encore' or the Ukrainian equivalent.

Group D FINALE: Ukraine 0-1 England; France 0-2 Sweden

This is the last major tournament not to feature goal line technology.

The human brain and eyes are not up to it, as was proved in the England game last night. It looked over the line from where I was sitting a few thousand miles away, despite Terry's best efforts to hook it out.

But a powerless bloke in yellow couldn't see it was over from a few yards away. And so England scraped a win and knocked out the co-hosts, so now there are no hosts left in their tournament.

And England win the Group, thanks to an Ibrahamovic cracker and a scrambled second in time added on. Again, I've been made to look like the worst predictor of football results since the last very bad predictor of football results. No, not him. HIM.

HOW THEY FINISHED: 1: ENGLAND  2: FRANCE  3: Ukraine  4: Sweden.

Here's how some crazy fool thought the group would end up.

They Finished 10th: CROATIA

So, the second of my predicted semi-finalists, and one of my predicted finalists, have double-checked the sock drawer, replaced the remote on top of the television, checked under the bed for loose change and checked out of their hotel room, bound for home.

I thought I was on to a cheeky one with this lot. So much so, there was a fiver each way on them to win it at 40-1.

Those bookies knew what they were doing pricing them so temptingly. My money is theirs. After a great opening game against the Irish, it looked like I'd made a canny move. But the Irish were the whipping boys.

After a creditable draw against the Italians, it was almost party-time in my house (exaggeration). But the party was pooped by the Spanish. World, European, Figure Skating champions of the Universe. Yes, that Spanish.

But I remain impressed with the team and the manager. The fans? Not so much.

They Finished 11th: HOLLAND

From losing World Cup finalists, to losing three out of three in the Group of Death. All within the space of two years. With pretty much the same team, save for the retired Van Bronckhorst and the sidelined Dirk Kuyt.

What happened? Undoubtedly unrest within the camp. It's a cliche to blame Dutch shortcomings on internal unrest, but more often than not, it's true. News of splits, divides, disagreements and rants will more than likely emerge over the next couple of days then be forgotten for the next couple of years until World Cup 2014, when the Oranje will Boom! and self-implode again.

They Finished 13th: RUSSIA

Unlucky for some, and very unlucky for me, as I predicted this lot would get to the semis. So er... what happened.

The last group games threw up a couple of unexpected, unpredictable, unfathomable results that turned the tournament's easiest group on its head.

Russia had it in the bag, surely - 4-1 victors over Czech Rep in the first game, and a creditable draw against the host. Then along came Greece, and I can't have been the only one thinking they'd get a draw at worst.

Stunned isn't the word. Actually, it probably is.

GROUP B FINALE: Germany 2-1 Denmark; Holland 1-2 Portugal

They've only gone and done it again.

Even being plopped in the sewer that was The Group Of Death couldn't stop perennial Group Stage qualifiers Germany and Portugal from, er, qualifying from the group stage.

I don't know what happened to Holland, and I'm sure Holland doesn't know what happened to Holland. Even in the game last night, they started well and looked like they would win it. But then, they just stopped, or at least stopped believing.

Only saw the goals from the Denmark/Germany match - this playing the last group games concurrently stuff is hard work for just two eyes.

So, the Germans, my tips to win this thing are through, that's the main thing. The fact that they're the only team out of the four who've qualified that I predicted would qualify is something I'd quite like to gloss over at this point, thank you very much.

HOW THEY FINISHED: 1: GERMANY  2: PORTUGAL  3: Denmark  4: Holland

A state of affairs that bears little resemblance to this shoddily predicted state of affairs.

GROUP A FINALE: Poland 0-1 Czech Rep; Russia 0-1 Greece

Has a tournament group ever been turned on its head so savagely by the final group games?
Russia were by far the best team in the group, thrashing the Czechs 4-1 in the second game of the tournament, and yet it is they who go home and the Czechs who progress. And the host Poles are on their way home (not far to travel at least) after being frozen by fear of failure in all three of their games.
HOW THEY FINISHED: 1: CZECH REP  2: GREECE  3: Russia  4: Poland.

As you'll see from this, it didn't quite pan out the way I predicted. Although it really should have.

They Finished 15th: SWEDEN

Ibrahimovic did seem to enjoy giving Joe Hart a bit of lip pie after the Swedes went 2-1 up against England. And yet it is Hart who had the last laugh, the England win sending the Swedes out, hot on the heels of the Irish who were the first to fall.

This wasn't a vintage Swedish team. Mellberg's highly unexpected brace against England the highlight in what's likely to be his last major tournament.

Other than that, Ibrahimovic looked dangerous without troubling the scorers, at least in the first two games that mattered. Have still yet to see him play a really good game, though apparently his record against English teams is poor.

England 3-2 Sweden

England go one-up. Check. England can't defend one-goal lead. Check. England go behind after being ahead. Check. England score two stunning goals to come from behind and beat a nation they've never beaten before in a tournament. Ah, er... check your brain, fella-me-lad.

But no. It really happened. England sent Sweden crashing out of the tournament with a comeback the like of which England just don't do. We don't do volleys from outside the area, Mr Walcott. And Mr Welbeck, what was that audacious flick into the net all about? How very un-English!

It also appears we don't mark people called Mellberg, but to moan would be churlish. A great win.

Bring on Ukraine.

Ukraine 0-2 France

If there isn't a newspaper in the world running a headline 'Ukraine Stops Play' today, I'll be as surprised as an Englishman whose team has come back from 2-1 down to win 3-2.

Bit of thunder. Forked lightning. Players taken off for an hour after four minutes for their own safety. And a couple of half decent goals from the French. That about sums up this one.

UPDATE: Always knew I should have been a headline writer for The Sun...

They Finished 16th: REP. IRELAND

And we have our first faller.

Less than a week after the tournament started, it's over for the Irish.

There was to be no glory, no David slaying Goliath against Spain, and no doubting Croatia were the better side in their opening game.

Irish fans were undoubtedly the stars of their show, and will be out in force and good voice against Italy. But, much like England, there's a real lack of stars on the pitch. Although they do have performances from James McClean to look forward to.

He needs to start against Italy.