They Finished 9th: UKRAINE

Another of my quarter finalists fall by their own wayside.

But Ukraine may have good reason to complaine.

England know what it's like to be on the receiving end of official incompetence, but for once it was our opponents who were the victims. In days gone by, the English way would have been to stop the game, and inform the referee of the oversight, or bally well score an own goal to even things up in the right and proper manner.

Alack, that's not what sport's about these days And the co-hosts, shed of their co-stars Shevchenko and Voronin, bowed out of their own gig before anyone had the chance to shout 'encore' or the Ukrainian equivalent.

Group D FINALE: Ukraine 0-1 England; France 0-2 Sweden

This is the last major tournament not to feature goal line technology.

The human brain and eyes are not up to it, as was proved in the England game last night. It looked over the line from where I was sitting a few thousand miles away, despite Terry's best efforts to hook it out.

But a powerless bloke in yellow couldn't see it was over from a few yards away. And so England scraped a win and knocked out the co-hosts, so now there are no hosts left in their tournament.

And England win the Group, thanks to an Ibrahamovic cracker and a scrambled second in time added on. Again, I've been made to look like the worst predictor of football results since the last very bad predictor of football results. No, not him. HIM.

HOW THEY FINISHED: 1: ENGLAND  2: FRANCE  3: Ukraine  4: Sweden.

Here's how some crazy fool thought the group would end up.

Ukraine 0-2 France

If there isn't a newspaper in the world running a headline 'Ukraine Stops Play' today, I'll be as surprised as an Englishman whose team has come back from 2-1 down to win 3-2.

Bit of thunder. Forked lightning. Players taken off for an hour after four minutes for their own safety. And a couple of half decent goals from the French. That about sums up this one.

UPDATE: Always knew I should have been a headline writer for The Sun...

Ukraine 2-1 Sweden

This much yellow hasn't been seen in one stadium since Custard Rovers played Banana City in the Vanilla Ice Cream Cup Final.

And you can't complain if you're from Ukraine. Your team tops Group D, and your top striker has already banged in a couple.

I must confess to falling asleep before the end of this one, no criticism of the quality of the game, more a criticism of my ability to handle alcohol!